Romantic Relationships** - an index of web pages

To view most of the articles on this index page on a Mobile Friendly website go to Healthy Romantic Relationships

Romantic Relationships - an index of web pages

This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs. That does not mean just romantic relationships, or family relationships, or even human relationships in general. The fact that dysfunction exists in our romantic, family, and human relationships is a symptom of the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with life - with being human. It is a symptom of the dysfunction which exists in our relationships with ourselves as human beings. And the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with ourselves is a symptom of Spiritual dis-ease, of not being in balance and harmony with the universe, of feeling disconnected from our Spiritual source. That is why it is so important to enlarge our perspective. To look beyond the romantic relationship in which we are having problems. To look beyond the dysfunction that exists in our relationships with other people. The more we enlarge our perspective, the closer we get to the cause instead of just dealing with the symptoms. For example, the more we look at the dysfunction in our relationship with ourselves as human beings the more we can understand the dysfunction in our romantic relationships. (Text in this color is used for quotes from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney) “As long as we believe that we have to have the other in our life to be happy, we are really just an addict trying to protect our supply - using another person as our drug of choice. That is not True Love - nor is it Loving.”

This index page lists, describes, and give quotes from the Joy2MeU pages which are focused directly on romantic relationships.

Joy2MeU pages which are focused directly on romantic relationships

It is so important to realize how we were set up to feel like failures in Romantic Relationships - to really get it on a gut level, so that we can forgive ourselves.

Toxic Love - A column originally written in 1996 that was expanded as part of the Codependent Relationships Dynamics series in 1999. This is the updated version that is part 2 of that series. “As long as we believe that we have to have the other in our life to be happy, we are really just an addict trying to protect our supply - using another person as our drug of choice. That is not True Love - nor is it Loving.” Romantic Relationships and Valentine’s Day - This is the first column published by Robert Burney in February of 1996. “Traditionally in this society women were taught to be codependent on - that is take their self-definition and self-worth from - their relationships with men, while men have been taught to be codependent on their success/career/work.” Wedding Prayer/Meditation on Romantic Commitment - A Meditation/Prayer written for the Commitment Ceremony of two friends. “In any specific moment you will have the power to make a choice to feel the Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt and as if the Love will never go away.” The Heartbreak of Romantic Relationships - A 3 page web article about how we are set up to have our hearts broken in romantic relationships. “No one has the power to make someone else love him/herself, we only have the power to change our relationship with our self. We cannot love someone else enough to make them love them self**.**”

Part 2 of Heartbreak - Includes Shame Core - Inner Child Healing and Emotional Dishonesty - Emotional Intimacy. “It is a double set up for women in this society. First of all the men were taught that it was not manly to be emotional and that what makes them successful as a man is what they produce - and then women were taught that they needed to be successful in romantic relationships with emotionally unavailable men in order to be successful as a woman. What a set up!” Part 3 of Heartbreak - Includes Sexuality, Metaphysical, and Reasons to take the Risk. “Romantic Relationships are one of the most important arenas of Spiritual growth available to us - it is important to our souls to be willing to take the risk of Loving and losing. It is also important to our hearts to take the healthiest risks possible. If we are not doing our healing, we are doing ourselves the ultimate disservice - we are abandoning and abusing our self.”

The Emotional Dynamics of Dysfunctional Relationships - A 2 page web article about the inevitable and normal dynamics of romantic relationships in a Codependent society. “We need to be willing to make healing a priority in our life if we are ever going to have a chance to have a healthy relationship. Unless we are healing we will fall prey to the very predictable emotional and behavioral dynamics - the Toxic Romance Two Step - that our emotional wounds and intellectual programming set us up to keep repeating.”

Part 2 of Emotional Dynamics - Includes codependent & counterdependent behavior.“Passive-aggressive behavior can take the form of sarcasm, procrastination, chronic lateness, being a party pooper, constantly complaining, being negative, offering opinions and advice that is not asked for, being the martyr, slinging arrows (“whatever have you done to your hair”, “gained a little weight haven’t we?”), etc.”

Finnish Translation

Codependent Relationships Dynamics ~ Healthy Romantic Relationships - Two series of short articles about the ways in which romantic relationships in our society are set up to be dysfunctional and the ways in which it is possible to be healthier in romantic relationships. These articles were originally published online on the Inner Child / Codependency Recovery page that Robert edits for Suite101.com Directory - although bits and pieces of the articles have been part of articles and web pages published previously.

Healthy Romantic Relationships - part 2, Clear Communication is the foundation - an article focused on the vital importance of clearly communicating. “The single most useful tool is simply to ask. “How do you define that word?” or “What did you just hear me say?’” Healthy Romantic Relationships - part 3, Emotional Honesty Necessary - If we are reacting to old wounds and old tapes then we are not being emotionally honest and are incapable of healthy emotional intimacy. “Just to think of how many ghosts are in the room, when two unconscious people are interacting, is mind boggling.” Healthy Romantic Relationships - part 4, Partners in the Journey - An article focused on the priceless gift a relationship can be if both people are in recovery from childhood wounds. “My issues are my responsibility to work through, it is not the other persons job to compromise her self to accommodate my fears and insecurities.” Healthy Romantic Relationships - part 5, Healthy Joyous Sexuality - When two people are connecting in a healthy way on all levels - physical, emotional, mental, and Spiritual - the physical union can become a sacred experience. “A Loving God/Goddess/Great Spirit would not give us sensual and sexual sensations that feel so wonderful unless we were meant to enJoy them.” Healthy Romantic Relationships - part 6, Romantic Love as a Concept - about the importance of changing the dysfunctional definitions of romance and love that we learned as children. “Another way it is important to change our perspective of love is to own that falling in love is a choice. It is not some camouflaged trap in the sidewalk you are the victim of falling into.” Healthy Romantic Relationships - part 7, Valentine’s Day 2000 - A completely rewritten version of the column listed second above. “It is very sad that it is so hard to connect with another being in a healthy, Loving way. It is very sad that so many of us have had to shut down our hearts and lock the romantic part of us away in a deep dark place within us.” Healthy Romantic Relationships - part 8, Pay Attention and Communicate - Seeing and hearing clearly, and communicating honestly are vital to becoming healthier in romantic relationships. “The purpose of saying “I am afraid you will get angry” is not to prevent the other person from getting angry, it is to help the other person understand you (in-to-me-see).” Healthy Romantic Relationships - part 9, The Greatest Arena for Spiritual growth - A romantic relationship is an adventure in growth, an joint expedition into intimacy. “A relationship will be work. It will be challenging and exciting, frustrating and painful. It will help us to access Joy and get us in touch with grief.”

(The pages above are linked together so that you may go from one to the next in the order listed.)

An Adventure in Romance - Loving & Losing Successfully - In December of 1998 Robert had an adventure in romance that proved how miraculously the healing process works. This is the story of that experience. “It is a tale of how my greatest fear came true but my response to it took me to a place of Joy and Love that is sublimely, exquisitely, magical and mystical - and Amazingly miraculous.” Letting Go of Unavailable People - An article in a series focusing on how the Spiritual principles of twelve step recovery can be applied to facilitate learning to have healthier relationships. “Codependents focus on others to keep from looking at self. We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening.” - Newly added 8-03

There is also a series of 17 articles focused on issues involving gender, sexuality, romantic relationships which evolved into articles focused on fear of intimacy - here are links to those articles without the description and quote.

Men and Women are from the same planet The Maiden and the Horndog Old tapes / traditional beliefs and gender roles Monogamy - A Spiritual Teachers Perspective Setting Internal Boundaries in relationship to Romantic, Sexual Relationships Taking self worth out of the equation in Romantic Relationships Falling in love as a choice Homosexuality - and the Bible The Crippling Shame of Incest / Sexual Abuse Sexuality Abuse Emotional Incest = Sexuality Abuse Energetic Attraction - emotional familiarity or Karmic connection? Emotional Intimacy = in to me see Fear of Intimacy - Relationship Phobia Codependent Defenses - Part 1 The Gatekeeper Codependent Defenses - Part 2 disassociation vs healthy detachment Codependent Defenses - Part 3 My Gatekeeper There is also information about romantic relationships in the True Nature of Love series of articles and this second chapter of the online book that was called The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages!

Home Site Index True Nature of Love Toxic Love

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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995. Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996 thru 2016 by Robert Burney PO Box 98 Fallbrook CA 92088.

Originally published at https://joy2meu.com/Relationship.htm