Enabling & Rescuing vs Tough Love
Enabling & Rescuing vs Tough Love
“Enabling is a term used in 12 step recovery to describe the behavior of family members, or other loved ones, who rescue an alcoholic or drug addict from the consequences of their own self destructive behavior. It also relates to rescuing anyone who is caught up in any of the compulsive and/or addictive self destructive behaviors that are symptoms of codependency: gambling; spending; eating disorders; sexual or relationship addictions; inability to hold a job; etc.” “A person who is acting out self destructively has no reason to change if they do not ever suffer major consequences for their behavior. If they are rescued from consequences, they are enabled to continue practicing their addiction. I celebrated my sobriety anniversary on January 3rd. I have now been clean and sober for over 18 years. The reason I got clean and sober was because my parents did an intervention on me and set a boundary that they would not rescue me financially one more time.” “Rescuing someone who is actively practicing addiction of some kind, is enabling. It is dysfunctional because it supports the person in continuing to practice their addiction. A person in recovery working on getting healthier may need some help from time to time - and that is great, that is being supportive in a positive manner. Helping someone to continue to self destruct is not support, it is codependency - it is also not Loving.”
This is the first in a series of articles focused on applying the spiritual principles of twelve step recovery in relationship to codependency.
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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995. Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996 thru 2015 by Robert Burney PO Box 98 Fallbrook CA 92088.
Enabling & Rescuing vs Tough Love - was originally published online February 25 2002 on Robert’s Inner Child/Codependency Recovery page on the Suite101.com Directory. There is a list of - and links to - the other articles in this series on Suite 101 on the Suite101 Articles page.
Originally published at https://joy2meu.com/tough_love.htm