Common Emotional Defenses
Common Emotional Defenses
“One of the defenses many of us have against feeling our feelings is to speak of ourselves in the third person. “You just kind of feel hurt when that happens” is not a personal statement and does not carry the power of speaking in the first person. “I felt hurt when that happened” is personal, is owning the feeling. Listen to yourself so that you can become more aware of this defense and start changing it. Listen to others - both in person and on TV - refer to self in the third person and you will gain some insight into how they are wounded. You will probably be surprised at how often you hear this defense in the course of a day as you become more conscious.” “Perhaps the most common story telling diversion is to get very involved in the details of the story ‘she said. . . . . then I said. . . . then she did. . . . .’ The details are ultimately insignificant in relationship to the emotions involved but because we do not know how to handle the emotions we get caught up in the details. Often we are relating the details in order to show the listener how we were wronged in the interaction. Often we focus on how others are “wrong” in reaction to the situation as a way of avoiding our feelings.” “To say “I am anxious” or “concerned” or “apprehensive” is not the same as saying “I feel afraid.” Fear is at the root of all of those expressions but we don’t have to be so in touch with our fear if we use a word that distances us from the fear. Expressions like “confused,” “irritated,” “upset,” “tense,” “disturbed,” “melancholy,” “blue,” “good,” or “bad” are not primary feeling words.”
On this page is an article by inner child healing pioneer discussing some common emotional defenses.
Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995. Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996 thru 2015 by Robert Burney PO Box 98 Fallbrook CA 92088.
This article was published in the Information Press of San Luis Obispo California in 1996 under the title The Journey to the Emotional Frontier Within.
Originally published at https://joy2meu.com/emotional_defenses.htm