Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in the Light

Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life

Chapter 7: Levels of selfishness

“Being honest with our self about selfishness out of damaged ego self - owning it, learning to accept it without shame and judgment - is what allows us to start taking power away from it. Denying that we have base ego centered motives is part of the dishonesty of codependency - is a reaction to toxic shame about being human. Codependency is deluding ourselves into thinking that we are doing things for other people just out of the kindness of our hearts and are not expecting any payoff for what we are doing - it is emotionally and intellectually dishonest.” “We access the Source Energy, are connected to our Higher Power, internally - through our inner channel. The outer / external dependence, the reversed focus of codependency, causes us to think that treating another person with respect and kindness earns us worth - proves to our self and others that we have worth. This is reversed and dysfunctional in my opinion. What I believe is healthy and functional is owning that we have worth as Magnificent Spiritual Beings having a human experience - and then we can see and honor other people because they are also Magnificent Spiritual Beings who have been wounded by this human experience. It is by consciously owning that we have worth inherently - that we are children of God / The Goddess, part of The Great Spirit, extensions of The Universal Force - that we start treating others with respect and kindness because they are also manifestations of the Divine. And Loving other wounded humans, treating them with respect and kindness, includes setting boundaries with them if their behavior is abusive. We can Love their being while protecting our self from their behavior. Allowing another human being to treat us with disrespect out of their unconsciousness is not Loving - it is enabling them to stay unconscious.” “I needed to get honest with myself in order to see the selfish motives. Then I could start to see that the reason that I was being nice to someone was not just because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings - it was much more about protecting myself. It was what I learned to do in childhood to: avoid confrontation; keep someone from getting angry with me; keep from being abandoned; try to earn love; etc. My defense system was set up to protect me from doing things that I thought would cause me pain - like: setting boundaries; speaking my Truth; asking for help; being vulnerable; etc. So, there was a level of my motives that was about caring for others - but there were more levels that were selfish, were part of the survival programing my ego had adapted in childhood. My behavior patterns were being driven by the emotional wounds and programming of childhood but I had to rationalize my behavior as only being about the level where I did care about others.” “My job is to show up for life today and pay attention. Pay attention to what gets my attention without judging and shaming myself. The Universe uses whatever works to get my attention and to motivate me to follow where it wants me to go. The things that get my attention most effectively usually have to do with my human desires, with longings and unfulfilled needs - that is not shameful, it is human. Follow where I am led and let go of the outcome. Let go of assuming, interpreting, fortune telling, projecting my fantasy of where I was going to end up because of what got my attention.”

On this page is the seventh chapter of an online book by codependency therapist/Spiritual teacher.

unhealthy selfish vs healthy selfish

Levels of Motivation

. Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in the Light Book 2 A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life Go to Chapter 8: Codependents as Emotional Vampires - Published online September 8, 2002

September 2005 - Chapters 3 through 15 of this work are now exclusively available in the Dancing in Light pay to view component of Joy2MeU.com

The True Nature of Love Part 4 - Energetic Clarity January 2002 Update Joy2MeU Journal info October 2000 Update

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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995. Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996 thru 2008 by Robert Burney PO Box 235401 Encinitas CA 92023.

Originally published at https://joy2meu.com/codependency_selfish.htm