Update My fear intimacy
Update Newsletters of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency counselor, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Spirituality: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls are posted online 3 or 4 times a year at about 3 or 4 month intervals.
This is an addendum to the Joy2MeU March 2007 Update.
“As I mentioned here in what I wrote on the 5th, I am needing to focus some attention on my relationship with myself as a man, with my relationship with my own masculine energy. That does not preclude the need for me to do some processing about my fear of intimacy issues and how they have been affecting me in recent months however. So, I have created a separate page, an addendum to this Update, which I am going to use as a vehicle for doing the processing I need to do - which of course will also fit in perfectly with what I will be processing about on the remainder of this page. In both cases, a lot of the processing I need to do will involve me rereading and remembering levels I have processed through previously - revisiting layers that I have worked through - to gain new perspectives on the insights.” - Joy2MeU March 2007 Update Newsletter
4:19 AM on March 27th, 2007. I am hoping to get through this page in the next couple of days. Things have been getting clearer to me as I have been reviewing my journey - pulling this page together, observing my thoughts and feelings over the last few weeks, getting messages from the Universe. As I said in the above quote from my Update, a lot of the processing I am doing on this page is about reviewing and remembering so that I can get clarity and insight into what has been happening recently in my life and relationship. I will be sharing excerpts and quotes from previous processing - and interspersing comments and insight that I am having now between those indented excerpts. As I also stated earlier in the Update, this is me processing about my recovery and sharing it with you. Hopefully some of you find it helpful.
“It is now 3:07 AM on the morning of the 13th of March 2007. It was on the morning of the 4th that I looked up at my calendar and got the message from the Universe that I needed to look at a new level of healing my masculine - healing my relationship with my self as a man - in the context of the processing I already knew that I needed to do about my fear of intimacy issues and how they were affecting my life and relationship now. I will be doing that on the page (could even be more than one page) that will follow this one.” - Joy2MeU March 2007 Update Newsletter
As I mention at the end of the Update, this could turn into more than one page. It will certainly be a long page - but I also think I will be doing another regular page for the web site based on something that is connected with my processing and is currently a hot topic for people who are seeking answers. - RB 3/27/07
For those of you who have already read this page, here is a link to the next page of processing which will be reachable only from this page. (even if you read it before, there will be things in it you will see now, or understand more clealy, than you did the first time.) I have finally gotten the time to finish this round of processing in mid June and am posting it on June , 2007. My Fear of Intimacy - 4/9/08 I have not finished that page yet - am not sure when, or if, I will. ~ RB
Fear of Intimacy revisited again 2007
The realization that I needed to look at my fear of intimacy issues once more, came up as I was writing the page on which I was asking for help to keep my book in print. The following is an excerpt from the Help page I posted on January 11th. In the first section of that page I mentioned that in my November Update I had stated that I might have to ask for help in keeping the book in print again - and that I had been procrastinating about taking the action of doing that because of my codependency was causing me to feel like a loser for needing to ask.
(Comments that I am adding in late March as I finalize this page - or in some cases, comments that were added to the excerpts after their publication - will be in this color text.)
“I realized that I was not taking an action to try to create more abundance energy flowing into my life because my disease was causing me to judge and shame myself for needing help again. “Loser” is a definite critical parent voice message - definitely coming from the disease, not from any healthy part of me. And I knew when I recognized that “loser” feeling, that judging and shaming myself for needing financial help was covering up something deeper - that it was a symptom. As I am writing this today, I see the quote from my October 2000 Update within the quote above (an earlier quote on the Help page - that October 2000 Update, a vital piece in my journey with my fear of intimacy issues, will be referenced below in several places) - and marvel once more at the perfection of how my process unfolds to allow me to uncover and discover so that I can recover. In that Update, I talk about how my issues with money are directly related to, and driven by, my fear of intimacy issues. In one of the first articles I had published in 1995, I wrote about how intimately my fear of intimacy issues are related to my issues with money - and how at the core of my wounding is a little boy who feels defective and unlovable. (And once again rereading this article, I get to shed some tears for that little boy that feels like a such a loser and failure.) “I have been going through a transformation one more time in my recovery. Each time that I need to grow some more - need to surrender some more of who I thought I was in order to become who I am - I get to peel another layer of the onion. Each time this happens I get to reach a deeper level of honesty and see things clearer than I ever have before. Each time, I also get to release some of the emotional energy through crying and raging. Through clearer eyes, and with deeper emotional honesty, I get to look at all of my major issues again to heal them some more. I used to think that I could deal with an issue and be done with it - but now I know that is not the way the healing process works. So recently I have gotten the opportunity to revisit my issues of abandonment and betrayal, of deprivation and discounting. My issues with my mother and father, with my gender and sexuality, with money and success. My issues with the God I was taught about and the God-Force that I choose to believe in. My patterns of self-abusive behavior that are driven by my emotional wounds - and the attempts that I make to forgive myself for behavior that I have been powerless over. And they all lead me back to the core issue. I am not worthy. I am not good enough. Something is wrong with me. At the core of my relationship is the little boy who feels unworthy and unlovable. And my relationship with myself was built on that foundation. The original wounding caused me to adapt attitudes and behavior patterns which caused me to be further traumatized and wounded - which caused me to adapt different attitudes and behavior patterns which caused me to be further traumatized and wounded in different ways. Layer upon layer the wounds were laid - multifaceted, incredibly complex and convoluted is the disease of Codependence. Truly insidious, baffling and powerful. Through revisiting the eight year old who I was I get to understand on a new level why I have always been attracted to unavailable people - because the pain of feeling abandoned and betrayed is the lesser of two evils. The worst possible thing, to my shame-based inner children, is to have revealed how unworthy and unlovable I am - so unworthy that I abandoned and betrayed my best friend, Shorty the shorthorn calf that I loved and who seemed to love me back. It is no wonder that at my core I am terrified of loving someone who is capable of loving me back. By owning and honoring the feelings of the child who I was, I can do some more work on letting him know that it wasn’t his fault and that he deserves forgiveness. That he deserves to be Loved. So today, I am grieving once more for the eight year old who was trapped, and for the man he became. I am grieving because if I don’t own that child and his feelings - then the man will never get past his terror of allowing himself to be loved. By owning and cherishing that child, I am healing the broken heart of both the child and the man - and giving that man the opportunity to one day trust himself enough to love someone as much as he loved Shorty.” - Grief, Love, & Fear of Intimacy And that is what I am seeing right now - that my terror of intimacy has risen it’s ugly head and has been doing a number on me. I have been allowing myself to focus upon the “stress” of the financial situation as an excuse to be distracted and not present in my relationship with Susan. And I have been using my precious step grandson / God son Darien as part of my camouflage for doing that. And right now I am working on not beating myself up for this, because it is my codependency that has been causing this. We are at a place in our relationship that I have never been in a romantic relationship before, and I am terrified of opening up to the next level of intimacy . The monster terror at the core of my codependency has been having way too much control of the way I have lived my life recently - for sure since we moved, and probably it was impacting me for a while before that. What I just saw clearly in the writing I have done this morning, is that as Susan has been courageously working her recovery program - which has helped her to become more available emotionally and more Loving to me - my deep seeded terror of Loving someone who is capable of Loving me back has caused me to become less available to her. That is really crappy - but it is also basic codependency. It is easy to be available and Loving to two year old Darien - it is terrifying to the deepest parts of me to be available for an intimate adult romantic relationship. As a little boy I felt that my father raged at me because I was defective and unlovable - and I felt like a failure and loser because I was not able to protect my mother from my father. To my ego, to open up my heart to being Loved by someone who is capable of Truly Loving me, is a set up to fail - will just reveal how shameful and unworthy I truly am. Incredible!!! I am writing this early on the morning of January 10th, and just uncovered the Cosmic Plot that has been guiding my path. More has just been revealed to me about how the Universe has manipulated me to put me right where I am at in this moment. I have just transferred most of what I have written in the last few hours to what is going to be my February Update Newsletter. It started to get long and complicated - as it always does when I am processing in writing - and as usual, is unfolding perfectly for my recovery process. I do Love doing this process writing - and am promising myself right now, that I will make the time to do more this coming year. Suffice it to say, for right now, that in that February Update I will share with you how my codependency has been causing me to sabotage my relationship - and how my devious Higher Power has orchestrated it all perfectly to put me at the brink of a huge breakthrough. It is possible right now for me to choose to take some actions that will be the next steps in opening my heart to someone who is capable of Loving me back. This is so exciting!!!!! Also TERRIFYING!!!!! Another “empty handed leap into the Void” milestone surrender on my Spiritual Path.” - Help in keeping Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls in print
Below is the process writing I did on the 10th of January - that I refer to transferring to my Newsletter.
As I shared in my November Update, moving here to San Diego put us in a position where a lot of my time and energy was being spent in being a nanny to Darien. “I haven’t found a lot of time yet to get very grounded in the community and develop new relationships with people and meetings, because I am spending so much of my time taking care of Darien. We have found a Montessori school nearby which we think will be a wonderful - and affordable - place for him to develop and grow and free up more time for me to focus on getting established here myself. I have real mixed feelings about that, because though I need the time to focus on myself, I will miss spending so much of my time with him. He is such a cool kid - and this time of being with him so much is such a special, special time in my life. I am profoundly GRATEFUL for the abundance of Love and Joy that I am experiencing in my day to day life right now. . . . . . . . . So far, it has been necessary to focus a lot of time and energy on taking care of Darien and survival - on paying the rent and the bills. Moving is very expensive and we are still catching up.” - November 2006 Update That meant that I haven’t been getting to a lot of meetings - especially CoDA meetings - because of schedule conflicts and available time. It has been easy for me to focus on Darien because the Love I give to him and receive from him is so pure and relatively uncomplicated. My adult, romantic relationship with Susan is very complicated because our issues. We are approaching the 2 year mark since we met - and about to break my longevity record for length of time in a relationship. “As of June 15th, I will have lived with my significant other Susan - and the family she brought with her - for one year. That brings the total number of years that I have lived with someone in a relationship to a grand total of 4 years - in almost 40 years of adult life. 90% of my adult life I lived alone because of my codependency issues. (Fear of Intimacy -Ý Relationship Phobia) Pretty sad fact - very wonderful that I am now in a relationship that I believe and hope will last for the rest of my life.” - June 2006 Update In the early 90s I had a relationship that lasted 2 years - although in that one we lived together for abut 22 months, so the living together record is still a little bit off for Susan and I. As I said above, we are at a place in our relationship that I have never been in a romantic relationship before. But even more than that, I realize as I am writing here this morning - that the Universe has done a number on me one more time. My process unfolding perfectly. Wow!!! In the Relationship Phobia article just referenced, I talk about how my emotional incest issues are at the core of my terror of intimacy - and cause me, as I said in the Grief, Love, and Fear of Intimacy article to be “terrified of loving someone who is capable of loving me back.” “In my latest relationship experience I went from the unavailable one to the one who was available because of my breakthrough. Then the woman that I opened my heart to Loving became the unavailable because of her fear of intimacy and betrayal issues. That caused her to react to her issues by getting involved with another man - which left me feeling abandoned and betrayed. A wonderful opportunity for growth.” - Fear of Intimacy - Relationship Phobia What I just realized is that after the Universe tricked me into that opportunity for growth in 2004, it turned around in 2005 and provided me with the opposite scenario.
In order to further review - and to set the stage for revealing what I mean by the opposite scenario - I am now going to share a lengthy section where I review the history of my fear of intimacy processing and growth.
“What I just saw clearly in the writing I have done this morning, is that as Susan has been courageously working her recovery program - which has helped her to become more available emotionally and more Loving to me - my deep seeded terror of Loving someone who is capable of Loving me back has caused me to become less available to her.” - process writing I did on January 10, 2007
4:01 AM April 2, 2007 What I am seeing more clearly in putting this page together - what is really crystallizing for me this morning - is that what I wrote back in January is not really the Truth. It isn’t that as Susan has become more available that I have become less available - it is that as she has become more available I haven’t adjusted to the changes that she is making to become more available myself.
In other words, I wasn’t fully available and then pulled back. That is the myth we codependents tell ourselves when we are in a relationship with someone who is not available in some way. “Oh I was available to Love him/her - but she/he wasn’t available to me.” Bull pippy!
“The reason that we get involved with people who are unavailable, is because we are unavailable.” - Letting go of Unavailable People
A codependent myth is: “I am this loving, giving, available person - completely open to giving and receiving love - and the people I get involved with end up proving that they are not capable of giving back to me, are unavailable to me.” If we are really open to Loving our self, then we wouldn’t stay so long in a situation where we are trying to fix a relationship that is not working, or change someone who isn’t available to us. The key - as I say in that article on Letting go of Unavailable People - is “where is my focus?”.
“What is so important, is to let go of focusing on that person as the cause of, or solution to, my problems. . . . Codependents focus on others to keep from looking at self. We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening.” - Letting go of Unavailable People
It is because we aren’t really giving and available to our self that being in a relationship with someone that is unavailable works for us on some level - on the level of our limited, damaged capacity to receive. In other words, we still don’t Love our selves enough to really be open to receiving Love - to being a receptacle, a vessel for Love to flow into.
As I said in the quote from that October 2000 Update that started me really focusing on my fear of intimacy - it is much easier to be a channel than a receptacle, easier to give Love than to be a vessel for Love to pour into. When we are telling ourselves that we are available and the other person isn’t - when we are trying to Love someone else enough to get them to Love themselves - we are doing the easy part, being a channel. What we need to do is learn to have a balance between the giving and receiving - and we need to work on having True Self esteem so that we can own that we do deserve to receive.
(There are of course, codependents of the other extreme / counterdependents, who are open to receiving a lot of positive attention, validation, love of the toxic variety - being made someone else’s drug of choice / higher power - who often play the role of the unavailable one in a relationship. That doesn’t mean they are open to receiving Love. Deep down inside they do not really believe they deserve to be loved - are not open to receiving Love. They may have a lot of ego strength - and like to get their egos’ stroked - but deep down lack True self worth. That causes them to eventually need to flee from love - or to punish the person who is delusional enough to believe they do deserve to be Loved.)
Writing about the process of learning to Love and opening to receive is one area - as I make note of in the following quote from my book - that it can be really difficult to communicate clearly in language that is polarized.
(Just as the last paragraph I added demonstrates how it is complicated to explain codependent behavior sometimes because the reactive extremes in behavior can look very different on the outside - i.e. the person who appears to be available and loving versus the person who appears to be unavailable and withholding - but are actually caused by the same basic emotional wounds and fear of intimacy. Codependent Relationships Dynamics part 3 - Codependent & Counterdependent Behavior.)
“What I am telling you is that the grief process works to dramatically change the quality of the life experience. What I am saying is that it is possible to find some Peace and Joy in life. Unfortunately, in sharing this information I am forced to use language that is polarized - that is black and white.
When I say that you cannot Truly Love others unless you Love yourself - that does not mean that you have to completely Love yourself first before you can start to Love others. The way the process works is that every time we learn to Love and accept ourselves a little tiny bit more, we also gain the capacity to Love and accept others a little tiny bit more.
When I say that you cannot start to access intuitive Truth until you clear out your inner channel - I am not saying that you have to complete your healing process before you can start getting messages. You can start getting messages as soon as you are willing to start listening. The more you heal the clearer the messages become.
When I talk about ways that we use to go unconscious - like workaholism, or exercise, or food, or whatever - I am not saying that you should be ashamed if you are doing some of these things.
We cannot go from unconscious to conscious overnight! This healing is a long gradual process. We all still need to go unconscious sometimes. Recovery is a dance that celebrates progress, not one that achieves perfection.” - Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
Learning to Love ourselves so we can become available to Love others is a long gradual process - a journey of uncovering, discovering and recovering, of pealing away the layers of our fear of intimacy defenses. And at some point I believe, it is very important to that process to be in a relationship with someone else who is in recovery so both people can grow from the interaction. That was a most important factor for me in the conscious choice I made to get involved in the relationship with Susan - that she was in recovery.
And I haven’t been doing my part in the growing in my relationship with myself part - so that I can grow within the relationship.
I may have been more available in some ways, on some levels, than she was in the beginning of the relationship - and perhaps am still in some of those ways. But the bottom line is that I was not totally available to Love myself at the beginning of the relationship, and have been so caught up in dealing with the realities of surviving and paying the bills and taking care of Darien - that I have not really made much progress in becoming more available and Loving to myself in the last 2 years. And if I am in some ways not available in my relationship with my self, then I am not capable of being fully available in a relationship with another person.
So, I wasn’t available to her beyond a certain point when we got together - and have not progressed from that point in any significant way since then, while she has made significant progress in her recovery and has become much more available and Loving to me. (Of course, she did have some catching up to do also.;-)
So, I didn’t actually become less available to her - it just seems that way because she has become more available to me.
And the key to the “Cosmic Plot” that I uncovered is contained in the remaining lines of the article about Letting go - the lines that come after the one I quoted above about being unavailable.
“We are attracted to people who feel familiar because on some level we are still trying to prove our worth by earning the Love and respect of our unavailable parents. We think we are going to rescue the other person which will prove our worth - or that we need them to rescue us because of our lack of worth. The princess will kiss me and turn me from a frog into a prince, the prince will rescue me and take me to live in the castle, syndrome. We need to own our own worth - our own “Prince or Princess” ness - before we can be available for a healthy relationship with some one who has owned their own worth. It is not possible to love someone enough to get them to stop hating, and being unavailable, to them self. We need to let go of that delusion. We need to focus on healing our self - on understanding and healing the emotional wounds that have driven us to pick people who could not give us what we want emotionally. We need to develop some healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves before we are capable of being available for a healthy relationships with someone who is also available.” - Letting Go of Unavailable People
I am seeing as I do this processing page that the whole “frog into a prince” fantasy thing is way, way powerful in me. I am seeing clearly in this processing that my capacity for romantic fantasy is huge - and has been a major factor in my inability in recovery to be available for romantic relationships. I was powerless to fully apply the theoretical knowledge I had about romantic relationships to the actual experience of them, because the desperate neediness caused by my inner child wounds, combined with the powerful imagination of the magical thinking romantic part of me, rendered me incapable of Truly being real in a relationship.
The Universe did trick me to get me involved in “relationships” that were far more fantasy than reality in 1998 and 2003 and 2004 - because of how much terror I have of being available to receive Love.
“But even more than that, I realize as I am writing here this morning - that the Universe has done a number on me one more time. My process unfolding perfectly. Wow!!! In the Relationship Phobia article just referenced, I talk about how my emotional incest issues are at the core of my terror of intimacy - and cause me, as I said in the Grief, Love, and Fear of Intimacy article to be “terrified of loving someone who is capable of loving me back.” “In my latest relationship experience I went from the unavailable one to the one who was available because of my breakthrough. Then the woman that I opened my heart to Loving became the unavailable because of her fear of intimacy and betrayal issues. That caused her to react to her issues by getting involved with another man - which left me feeling abandoned and betrayed. A wonderful opportunity for growth.” - Fear of Intimacy - Relationship Phobia What I just realized is that after the Universe tricked me into that opportunity for growth, it turned around and provided me with the opposite scenario.” - process writing I did on January 10, 2007
It was necessary for me to buy into the delusion that the person I met in December 2003 was my twin soul - in order to delve into my issues as deeply as I did in 2004. It was going through that experience that brought me to a place where I was available for this relationship.
The Universe completely ambushed me with this relationship - and did it in such a way, that I had to throw out all the romantic fantasy stuff. There was no feeling that I had met a soul mate or twin soul - or that there was some powerful vibrational or Karmic connection in this relationship. I don’t even think in those terms any more.
And it is not that there isn’t romance in my relationship with Susan - there is. But there isn’t a delusional romantic fantasy involved. I didn’t get involved with her because I thought she was a soul mate or my twin soul or anything. And I didn’t have to delude myself that there was a karmic connection after getting involved with her in order to justify that involvement - as I did in the fantasy relationship of 2004. I recognized that the Universe had brought her into my life as a teacher - and that I needed to surrender to the experience. That she is a gorgeous babe was a definite plus in helping to make that surrender. (And that isn’t to say there isn’t some karmic connection between us - there must be or we wouldn’t be so deeply involved in helping each other grow.)
5:21 AM April 5, 2007 I realize as I try to wrap this up so I can get it posted, that the romantic fantasy piece is something I need to look at further in the page that is going to follow this one. As I said in the quote from my November 2006 Update I included above: “it has been necessary to focus a lot of time and energy on taking care of Darien and survival - on paying the rent and the bills.” I think that I have been so focused on the baby and the finances that I have short changed the actual relationship with Susan. Because I wasn’t in some kind of romantic fantasy delusion, and I have never in my life been present in reality for a relationship (being in a romantic fantasy delusion is not being present in reality) - I haven’t known how to be present to appreciate the relationship for what it is. I haven’t been available a lot of the time to Susan. Wow! Sorry Sweetie!
I think that I am seeing now, that part of the experience I needed to surrender to, was to learn how to be present in reality in a romantic, intimate relationship. I mean, I knew that theoretically, but I don’t think I have been focusing enough attention on actually doing it - actually being present and conscious of the gift that this relationship is in my life, the gifts this relationship has brought into my life.
I have been not been focusing on the relationship - or on my recovery. The fact that I haven’t been focusing a lot of attention on my recovery - haven’t thought I had the time and energy to do that - is definitely a strong contributing factor in what has been happening. (Because of phone counseling and answering e-mails and my Intensive workshop, there is never a time that I am not focused on recovery to some extent - it is a way of life to me - but I haven’t been focusing specifically on my fear of intimacy issues and how they are affecting my life and relationship in the present.)
So, I have more processing to do. There is going to be another page that follows this one - though I probably won’t get it finished until the end of April at the soonest. First I need to do my taxes.
And I haven’t even gotten to the part about owning my positive masculine power on this page. That is a perfect part of the processing of course. So, I will get to that in the next page of processing - and to the issues that are directly related to that processing about owning my masculine power. Two biggies are involved here - health and wealth - that are directly tied into my fear of intimacy. I already know that I am going to be making a declaration, issuing a challenge, to the Universe similar to the ones I made about “full speed in the direction of Love” - this time in regard to committing to abundance and prosperity on all levels, including health and finances. In doing that I will need to look at the October 2000 Update - and at my fear of being too visible (being burned at the stake again) which is a fundamental piece in relationship to these issues.
In the meantime, the first inner child healing grief group has successfully started - and the next one is starting on the 14th. I still haven’t got the funds to do any local advertising for my Intensive Training Day workshop - but had a very good turn out for my March one. My computer keeps deteriorating but hopefully will hold up until enough abundance manifests to be able to get a new one. I am very grateful that both vehicles are still running - even though the hood of the Focus (that I talk about getting in the August 2006 Update) is still crumpled from a fender bender / hood bender accident we had in stop and go rush hour traffic on Darien’s birthday in November. (The insurance money came in just before Christmas - so got spent on other things.) And I just yesterday found out for sure that I was going to be able to cover the rent for April. Good news!
Anyone who has read this whole page is probably someone that enjoys and values my style of writing - which is hazardous to the patience of people with ADD. If you do, you might want to check out my Dancing in Light pay to view section - which includes the last 13 chapters of Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light Book 2 A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life (which includes several chapters dealing with the emotional vampire dynamic I mention above) and/or the Joy2MeU Journal which includes the personal journal I mention numerous times above. Both works are available in combination with my book and / or tapes or CDs on the special offers page (which I just noticed still includes the reduced Holiday prices that I forget to change in January as I say I will on that page - I will leave those up a little longer.) And both are also available as gifts to people who make donations to the Joy2MeU cause: Help 2007.
So, I will sign off for now. I will post the next page of this processing when I find enough early morning hours to finish it - and will announce it on the New and News page as I will this one. I was led to making some changes in one of the pages on my site in writing this - and am also going to be adding this quote about Easter to my New page today when I post this.
“This particular column has grown out of the fact that this past Sunday was Easter. Easter, like other “Christian” Holidays, is a celebration that was designed to replace the pagan holidays of the people the early Christians were trying to convert. . . . . Easter is scheduled in the same time period as the Spring Equinox. Spring is the time of new beginnings - of new growth, of rebirth, of resurrection. Easter is about resurrection and the Truth of eternal life.” - Spirituality - a broader perspective
So a Happy Easter / New Beginning / Springtime of the Spirit to all the Magnificent Spiritual Beings out there in cyberspace. - Robert 4/7/07
- My Fear of Intimacy (4/9/08 I have not finished that page yet - am not sure when, or if, I will. ~ RB)
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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995. Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, & 2007 by Robert Burney PO Box 235401 Encinitas CA 92023.
Originally published at https://joy2meu.com/Update_My_fear_intimacy.htm