Update May 2010

This is the Newsletter of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency therapist, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Spirituality: Codependence : The Dance of Wounded Souls. These Update Newsletters are posted online 2 or 3 times a year at about 4 or 5 month intervals. A short announcement e-mail is sent out notifying people - who sign up for the Joy2MeU e-mailing list - when a new Update is posted.

Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995. Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996 thru 2010 by Robert Burney PO Box 235401 Encinitas CA 92023.

My Yahoo mailing list is something that I started in September 2007 for people who were interested in more frequent updates than my periodic Update Newsletters. In them I share the latest news about my web sites, work, and life. It has worked out that I have sent out at least one every month since I started this group. You can Click here to join Joy_2_Me_U Below are the message that I sent out since my last Update Newsletter in August 2009.

New website and change to Intensive Training date Wed Sep 16, 2009 3:29 am

To all the Radiantly Beautiful & Vibrantly Healthy Spiritual beings on my yahoo mailing list, I am about to send out an announcement to my whole mailing list about the official launch of our eighth new website http://codependencerecovery.com/ and about a change in the date of the November Intensive Training Day workshop.

The Intensive in November is now going to be on the 28th instead of the 22nd. That is the Saturday after Thanksgiving instead of the Sunday before. I originally choose the Sunday date because we were supposed to be leaving on the Cruise to the Mexican Riviera on the weekend after Thanksgiving. Since we canceled that Cruise however and replaced it with one to the Western Caribbean leaving New Orleans in February, it made sense to change the Intensive date to right after Thanksgiving when many people have time off and can more easily attend.

The codependency recovery site is the one that includes the articles on Emotional Honesty and Emotional Responsibility that I mentioned in my last message to this list. The last two part article on my site that I just finished copy reading and editing is an article that grew into an online book. That book, which is now entitled Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life, is part of the subscription only section of Joy2MeU.com entitled Dancing in Light - and will sometime in the next couple of months become part of a new website dancinginlight.com that will also be a subscription site. I decided to leave these two articles up as stand alone articles because I think they give a good synopsis of my perspective of codependency. I am listing them on the new site by their original titles (since they are included here as stand alone articles.)

Here are a few of quotes from both of them that I am fond of ;-) - these first few are from the first article: The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages!

“So, I have been moved to post a web page here on Joy2MeU in direct response to the misinformation and ignorance that this man shows in his article on codependency - and also to use this as an example of how therapists and counselors (and sponsors as well) who are invested in a polarized belief system are set up to try to force their agenda on the people they work with. A counselor as codependent as this person seems to be from his article, will cajole, manipulate, and bully the people they work with to do what the codependent counselor believes is “right.” And will then shame and abuse the people they are supposed to be helping if they do not meet the agenda he projects onto them. It is a sad fact that far too many counselors and therapists in our dysfunctional society are not in recovery from their childhood issues / codependency - and are being codependent, and sometimes abusive, in their counseling / therapy.” “. . . I am simply using him as a symbol for both the arrogant ignorance of the white male patriarchy and the dysfunctional nature of the traditional mental health system in this society. Since he is using the internet to expose his ignorance and limited intellectual paradigm, I am using him as a symbol to expose the dysfunction in the system he represents.” “A man can be a lousy father and husband - can be a really unpleasant and nasty human being - and still be considered successful and worthy of admiration in our dysfunctional society.” “Codependents dance through life to the music of dissonance and strife - recovery allows us to start achieving some integration and balance, some peace and harmony in our human dance.”

and the following are from the second article The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages! Part 2 Romantic Relationships & Toxic Love ~ Marriage & Divorce

“When we look to a romantic relationship to give us worth, we give another person the power to make us feel good about ourselves, to feel worthy and lovable. The person who we have given that power to, usually becomes the person to blame when we do not feel good. The prince or princess who was going to rescue us becomes the villain who is abusing / oppressing / abandoning us.” “It is people like Dr. Harley who trumpet the sanctity of “traditional family values” - the sanctity of the institution of marriage. The traditional context for family values and marriage in this society is patriarchal supremacy. To speak of marriage without acknowledging the historical reality of the treatment of women in society is not just ignorant, it is downright stupid - in my opinion. . . . . Marriage has not been a full partnership, a Sacred Union, for most women in this society. It has historically been a form of indentured servitude. It is probably an appropriate irony that marriage is referred to as an institution - since in modern day usage that term is most often used to refer to places where people are locked up.” “He is no different than any small minded bigot or racist. He bemoans the changes in society that led “those people” to forget their rightful place in the white male patriarchal system. In this case, “those people” are women. Women have forgotten their place as the servants of truly self-centered, immature, emotionally crippled little boys masquerading as men. Those same immature men who run the world and are always going to war to protect their right to keep raping the planet and trying to steal all the toys away from the other boys.” “Children are damaged just as much by parents who stay together in a dysfunctional marriage as children whose parents divorce. Sometimes it is even more damaging in the long run because the delusion that the family was successful is so strong that it makes it hard for the adult children to understand why they have lived their lives so dysfunctionally - after all, they came from a happy family.”

** In the article I am responding to his bemoaning the changes in society that caused the divorce rate to rise in the 70s - which I point out was largely connected with the Feminist Movement, and mention that there were some negative effects from the Feminist movement. I want to include a quote from an article of mine, that I do quote later in that online book - that addresses this. **

“The Women’s Movement caused many great and wonderful changes in society that have allowed women to start owning their individual worth and dignity - and has helped women to start seeing themselves as more than just extensions of men. Like any change that takes place however, there were both positive and negative affects. One of the negative affects of the Feminist Movement for many women is that they now feel that they are dependent on both relationship and career for their self worth. Many women feel that unless they are both successful in career, and in a romantic relationship, they are failures - because they are still looking externally for self worth. The even more devastating negative affect of the Women’s movement in my perspective, is that women who inherently are most heart connected because of their ability to give birth - have been given the right to compete with men who have never been heart connected in an economic system that does not honor the heart. In other words, women have won the dubious right to be more like men - in the emotionally dishonest, human doing prototype of traditional accepted male behavior.” - Old tapes / traditional beliefs and gender roles for men and women

So, it was interesting for me to read those articles again - now I will be launching into editing and proof reading the material in the new dancinginlight.com, which will be a Herculean task.

The last time I made some changes on my website - the day after the last Intensive Training Day - I also updated my Information index page [which as I say on that page, “is an index page of informational pages (as opposed to content - except for the ones that do have content, like the Update Newsletters and the preview issue of Joy2MeU Journal) of codependency counselor/Spiritual teacher Robert Burney’s web site Joy2MeU.”] In doing so, I noticed an article on my site that I had forgotten I put up. I hadn’t exactly forgotten I had added the writing to the site, but I thought I had added it as part of an Update Newsletter. I had even tried to find it a few weeks ago without success, because I was looking among the Update Newsletters. What I had forgotten was that I had added it to the site as a separate article. It is an article that is an abridged version of two articles from the story of my Spiritual Path / Recovery Journey from the Joy2MeU Journal. That series which I called: The Path of one Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul tells the inside story of my recovery. I had added an article from that series as part of an Update Newsletter in October 2005 as I was working on letting go of living in Cambria because of my new family situation (Darien wasn’t quite 1 then - wow - and that Update talks about the new relationship situation.) In that article I talked about the miracles of early recovery that led me into working in recovery, going to treatment for codependency in 1988 and then paved the way for me to first move to Taos New Mexico and then to Cambria in 1989 - in an incredible succession of awesome Miracles (Update October 2005) that Truly taught me to have faith in my path.

The article that I had forgotten I had made as a separate web page, is a part of that same series of articles and is the story of me writing and later publishing the Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls. It is called Leap of Faith ~ Publishing The Dance - and I do have a link to it on my site index page, but it is a small link in the Journal section of that page. It is a slightly abridged version of the two part article that appears in the Joy2MeU Journal. Reading it again just now was quite a trip. It is really quite amazing how much recovery I cram into some of these articles about my path - as well as my Update Newsletters - and by that I mean sharing actual examples of recovery in action. Examples of letting go and surrender, of taking action despite the fear and how I have worked to change my old programming. It has been so wonderful over the years to have the opportunity to share my recovery - and then be able to reread it to remind myself of the miracles and intuitive guidance that helped me to learn the lessons and follow my path. It has been one incredible adventure - this recovery journey for me. I am profoundly grateful for it.

Rediscovering that article also reminded me of how the financial situation we are in got to be such a mess. I posted that article as part of sending out a request for donations to help keep my book in print one more time. The combination of not getting nearly as many donations as I had hoped, and the printing company printing a large print run without getting my final approval, put us in a real hard financial place last September. Then the bottom fell out of the economy shortly after that. I was thinking it was just the recession (that has cost me at least 20 phone counseling clients in the last 6 or 8 months - including 2 very recently that wanted to continue and couldn’t financially) that was impacting us without remembering how the printing of the book had started our own personal recession several months earlier.

So, as usual, I ended up writing more than I was expecting to here. I miss writing - so it is nice to have the opportunity. I still do have unfinished writing projects that some day I hope to get to - maybe when Darien gets into regular school. Who knows.

So Vaya con Dios for now. I hope you are allowing your self moments of Joy in your day - and are able to occasionally touch on that place of feeling the peace that comes with having a level of faith where you Know that everything is going to be okay no matter what happens. Robert

PS. I was in a store today and suddenly was hit with an emotional jolt when I tuned into the song that was playing in the background. It is a song that had great significance to me in my early recovery (something I talk about in my The second Newsletter of June 2003 Update.) I am not sure if this is a great quote just going into the fall of the year - but it seemed like a good reminder for me & U right now, because the Springtime of the Spirit definitely has arrived even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.;-)

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow Lies a seed that with the suns love in spring becomes the rose ****

New dates, new article, and cancellation Mon Sep 28, 2009 12:07 am

Yo Spiritual Being full of Light and Love, I posted the below New & News on the site Saturday evening - and thought I would fill you all on my yahoo list in about what is happening.

“Announcing the cancellation of the October 11th Intensive Training Day, the official launch of CodependenceRecovery.com our eighth new website, a new article added to Joy2MeU Emotional Incest Issues (new to this site was formerly available on another site), new dates in 2010 for Intensive Training Day workshops on February 20th and April 3rd. Also the latest batch of testimonials from people whose lives have been changed by my book, tapes, CDs, and website to the Testimonial page (some below) - and the latest phone counseling testimonials on the Phone Counseling Testimonials page”

I really didn’t want to cancel the October Intensive, but it was something I needed to do. The only person signed up for it so far was someone who initially signed up for the March Intensive and has been e-mailing the week of that (and each since) Intensive to say she couldn’t make this one but put her down for the next one. She is also someone who lives in Southern California - so that wasn’t a problem. I would never cancel one in which someone had made reservation in advance to fly in from out of state, but since I didn’t have that happening this time it only made sense to cancel it. I had known it was going to be a possibility so had already contacted the hotel to see if I could cancel without penalty - and they said I could. I had to do it once before a year or so ago, and they let me off the hook that time too. So, it is nice to have that option. I had put out a special offer for it with my last announcement in hopes a few people would sign up, but actually had mixed feelings as the week went along because the worst possibility would have been that one person signed up when I really felt I needed at least 3 to take the risk of going forward with it. So, now hopefully we will have a good turn out for the one that is right after Thanksgiving.

You all had already been notified about the codependencyrecovery site - so that is old news to you.

The Emotional Incest Issues article is one that was part of the series of articles that was made into an e-book - and which I have spiral bound in hard copy to sell at my Intensives (and send to people who make donations.) On my inner child healing pages index page, I talk about how, in February 2004 when I was getting that series of articles ready to be an e-book, I discovered a lot of good articles in that series that I had not added to my site - and at that time did add a number of them. These were articles that I had written for suite 101, a Directory for which I wrote articles from March 1999 until October 2005. There were several articles in that series that were very similar to articles I already had on my site, so I didn’t add them - since the articles were still available on suite 101. In answering an e-mail last week concerning emotional incest I glanced at the two articles I have on my site, and clicked on the link for the one on suite 101 - only to find that my articles are no longer there. So, this article, which does contain some paragraphs and sentences that are in the other two articles I have on the site, is no longer available anywhere. And it is different enough and valuable enough, that I decided to go ahead and add it to my site. Now I am going to need to find the time to check out other articles which I wrote for that directory to see if there are some that are worth adding as pages on Joy2MeU - because there are some more that I had never transferred. Something else on my list of things to do.;-)

Other than that, I did set up two more Intensive dates for next year and add a bunch of new testimonials to both testimonials pages as indicated.

In a very interesting development this past week, I got a phone call the other day from a friend I hadn’t heard from in years. The last time I had seen him was when he was visiting me in Cambria when 9/11 went down. He is actually the person that pushed me into starting my first web site back in Santa Barbara in early 1998. That was certainly a gift. Anyway, it turns out that he is now doing videos - so maybe this is the Universe responding to my request to get my Intensive filmed. He is probably coming for a visit next week since he is going to be in the vicinity shooting a video. Here is an example of his work on his site - very interesting.

When I moved to Santa Barbara from Cambria in 1997, one of the goals was the hope I could make some close male friends there, since I hadn’t had any in some years. That was about the time I realized that I had spent years working on healing my inner children and my feminine and had not thought to focus on healing my masculine. Actually I just found a quote about that from my personal journal in the Joy2MeU Journal.

“What I remember that morning was that I needed to own my powerful positive masculine energy. Years ago I had come to a realization (and I can’t believe I haven’t written about it somewhere - but can’t find it right now) that I had spent years working on healing my inner children and my feminine without even considering that I might need to heal my masculine. Like Duh! That was a time when I started reading authors like Robert Bly and starting to focus on healing my masculine. One of the things I realized then, is that I had no image of strong positive masculine energy - that I associated strong masculine energy with violence and anger and rage. That was when I came up with or discovered (maybe in Bly’s book Iron John - see Bookstore page) the term “fierce determination” as a trait of powerful positive masculine energy. Focused power and fierce determination in doing, manifesting, standing strong - that was the masculine energy I discovered back then. That was the masculine energy I needed to rediscover and own on the morning of March 30th.

I started to see that I needed to start using my will power to stop playing small in my relationship with myself. To stop giving the pain so much power and to own that I have the power to have more positive control of my own internal process. I realized that I had gone out of balance in my relationship with myself, towards the feminine, feeling side of me - and that I wasn’t standing in my Truth with powerful Masculine positive energy. I needed to start being the Alpha male in my own internal process. In recent months I have noticed myself explaining the process of setting boundaries with the critical parent voice to phone counseling clients in an interesting new way. I would tell them that we don’t want to argue with the critical parent voice, we want to SLAM it with spiritual Truth. I have been thinking about the process of setting boundaries in a way that is like establishing who is in charge internally - who is the Alpha force. And that it was necessary to slam the critical parent voice - to own positive powerful force in my own internal process. This was a wonderful insight that is the key to taking control of my own inner process in a new more empowering way. In a way that will be more outward directed and focused on external manifestation and action than inner focused.” - Joy2MeU Journal: The Path of one Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul My Unfolding Dance 35 April 8, 2004

I used this quote in my March 2007 Update Newsletter in which I include an excerpt about Masculine and Feminine from my online book Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in the Light Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life that is now part of Dancing in Light subscription area of my site. That same Update I talk about the importance of the Medicine Cards in my recovery - and specifically about Deer Medicine and owning my masculine energy in relationship to the symbols that deers have been for me. Which fits in with some thoughts I had earlier looking up at my calendar and seeing a Moose - because Moose medicine has been tied into the quest for masculine balance in my recovery also. Obviously these reminders came at a perfect time - I am going to read over that Update tomorrow when I get some time.

This could get off into a whole tangent here which I don’t have time for. The point I started to make is that I did make two really good male friends in Santa Barbara - and then they both moved to Arizona. One of them has a internet hosting company and still hosts Joy2MeU - and perhaps the other one will end up making the video I have been wanting to make. Interesting.

Got to wrap this up now. Finances still a major challenge. Have sold less books this month through both sites than I have in many years. A few more phone counseling clients that can’t continue because of finances. The economy may be getting better in some areas, but it feels like it is getting worse here. Oh well. There is a Divine Plan unfolding - and More Will Be Revealed.

With wishes of Joy and Abundance to all of us Magnificent Spiritual Beings experiencing what it is like to be human in this place and time, Robert

A few tidbits Tue Oct 13, 2009 2:28 pm

Hello Magnificent Expressions of The Divine, I just posted this on my New page last night - and thought I would share it with you all, along with a few other things:

“October 12th, 2009: Announcing a page with temporary special offers for telephone counseling and Intensive Training workshops - and available for purchase on this site for the first time a spiral bound hard copy of of my inner child e-book - Inner Child Healing ~ The Path to Empowerment, Inner Peace, and Freedom from the Past.”

Looks like we are going to start doing something with Facebook and Twitter. My marketing people have been on me for awhile now about this, and I am finally getting around to surrendering to plunging into the unknown. Will let you all know what is happening when it happens.

Also coming up with a question and answer page on Robert Burney Live.com I have been answering the questions people send it when they download the free sections of the e-book of - it has been taking up time. My marketing people have been telling me that I was wasting my time and that there were more efficient ways of doing it - but I feel this obligation to try to help people who reach out to me. I have about 3 dozen waiting right now however, and I have finally surrendered to not being able to answer them all individually because I just don’t have time. Sigh.

Was having a firm talk with my Higher Power this morning about the need for some more financial abundance manifest - we shall see how that comes out.;-)

I will keep you all posted on any new developments. Until then - just realized the perfect notes to leave you all with today - and will do so just below.;-) Robert

This is a link that an old friend of mine on the Central Coast sent me a week or so ago. http://www.castlemountains.net/flashmar/A_Cup_Of_Joy.swf Below is the story that goes with the song that you will hear if you click on that link. It was a reminder when he sent it to me, and again today, of the abundance of Joy that I have had, and do have, in my life - something that was not present before recovery. Joy to us ALL, because we are ALL-ONE in JOY and LOVE.

“In the meantime, in the late summer of 1986, I had gone to work in an Chemical Dependence Treatment Center. I had been pursuing an acting career in Hollywood since 1975 and had been very good at being a suffering artist. It was a perfect path for both my codependence (suffering I learned real well from the church that taught me I was a sinner who was here to do penance for being born a sinful, shameful human) and my alcoholism (everyone knows that artists need to drink a lot and do drugs). As a result of doing Positive Affirmations and consciously trying to reprogram my subconscious beliefs I surrendered to going to work in a treatment center and giving up the suffering artist types of jobs that I had done for years.

I first went to work as a counselors assistant and then was later promoted to therapist because I was qualified for the higher position. I had received my Masters Degree many years before but had abandoned using the knowledge and skills I had in order to pursue my acting career.

For my birthday in 1987 (the one that sparked my pursuit of emotional healing because I set myself up to be abandoned) I received a number of cards at work. Someone at work said “You should let Marianne read your cards.” “Read birthday cards?” I responded very skeptically. “Yes, she reads cards.” “Birthday cards?!?!?”

To say I didn’t take this seriously is a gross understatement. Marianne was someone who worked on our unit part time and the next time I saw her I mentioned it to her in a very humorous way. She responded “Yes, I am a psychic and I read birthday cards among other things.”

This was all a big joke to me. I had never heard of such a thing and said so - and I would kid around with her about it the next few times I saw her. I had gotten a message earlier in my recovery that it wasn’t part of my path to pursue experience of a psychic or paranormal nature. Not that I didn’t believe that there was Truth in many supernatural type of phenomena - just that I was supposed to focus on tuning into the Truth within me and not be looking outside for the answers. The thing I used to say when someone would try to get me to go see a psychic or have a tarot reading done or something of that nature was “If I am supposed to get a message from a psychic the Universe is quite capable of bringing the psychic into my path. I don’t have to go looking for answers in that way.”

Well, that is what happened. Marianne came storming into work one day and said to me “I have to see you right now!” We went into a private room and she proceeded to read my mail for me - that is tell me all the things that were going on inside of me that I wasn’t talking to anyone about. I was quite shaken about how much she knew about the secrets I was carrying and the feelings I was hiding. As I was sitting there in shock at her revelations, she asked to see my birthday cards. I still had them at work in order for her to read them one day. I gave them to her and she looked them over. She pointed out that every birthday card I had gotten that year had at least one musical note on it. She said that was “about the song that you are becoming.”

A few weeks later I made an appointment to see her for a paid psychic reading. One day before the reading I was walking down a street in Studio City where I lived and a song came to me. I knew that when she had said “the song I was becoming” she had not meant a literal song but was rather referring to my Spiritual Path. But the song that came to me was so perfect that I couldn’t wait to tell her. When she came over I started speaking the words of the song to her and made one of those “Freudian” slips that was absolutely perfect. I said:

“Jeremiah was a ‘boy’frog, was a good friend of mine. Never understood a single word he said but he always had some mighty fine wine. I always helped him drink his wine.”

A boy who believed he was a frog that needed a princess was who I was. And I had never listened to much of what my inner child said to me - had pummeled that part of me into submission and at the same time I let that child’s wounds run my life. I was never much for wine but I drank whatever was available.

So, it was a perfect song for me. And the chorus is:

Joy to the world. All the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea and Joy to you and me.

Out of the intervention of this psychic angel named Marianne a new level of consciousness was opened, and a new direction to steer was revealed. At a time when I had never experienced what I know now is True Joy in my life - I was given the message that my path was about Joy and carrying a message of Joy to you and me. The name of my company was born that day - even though I had no idea there would ever be a company.” - The Story of “Joy to You & Me”

Happy Birthday Darien Nov 10, 2009 1:20 am

Hello Magnificent and Powerful Spiritual Being, Today is Darien’s 5th birthday. He is such an amazing little man. We are having a little birthday party for him at his cousin/aunt and uncle’s house tonight - and then a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese next Saturday. I am just praying that a few of his friends from school and/or the kid’s club at the gym are able to come on Saturday. I didn’t get the party lined up far enough ahead of time because I couldn’t afford the $30 deposit - so just getting the invitations out on the Monday before the Saturday - which isn’t enough time. Hopefully it will all work out so that he has a great birthday.

I have lots more stories about him and pictures - but not enough time to update his page right now. I am trying to get some new stuff written for a new CD we are putting together. Not a new CD - but a CD set with the digitally remastered audio version of The Dance with added material. We are going to use a print on demand CD place since there is no money to do the production any other way. I think this will be pretty cool if I can ever find the time to get the new material written and recorded. Was hoping to have it ready for Christmas season - but time is flying and I am not finding time. My 19 year old son was here for two weeks - and that got in the way for awhile. There was some drama around that, and some other drama that was wonderful fertilizer for growing. And of course the financial situation continues to feel like fertilizer.

We are also putting together a Question and Answer page for the RobertBurneyLive sites. People submit questions when they download the free chapters of my e-book. For a long time I was trying to answer them all individually, but the numbers got too overwhelming - and I just don’t have the time. I really feel like I want to answer individually when people reach out - but I have to make better use of my time since it is so precious right now.

It is looking like the cruise in February is not going to happen. No one has signed up so far - and we would have to come up with $500 for the deposit on our cabin by the end of the week - and that is not going to happen without some miracle. I am still working on paying the first half of the rent for this month - although I think some help is on the way that will make that possible. This morning I was raging at my Higher Power about not doing a good job of taking care of me - and it seems like it might have done some good.

I posted the following announcement on the New page on Saturday night.**

November 7th, 2009:** I continued a process I started in February of removing blocking html code and updating copyright notice on my Update Newsletter pages (something I explained in my April 2009 Update which also includes the story of my April Fools Day lesson in falling in love and a report about attending the wedding of two people who announced at the reception that without doing my grief group together they wouldn’t be getting married) - and am listing some of them here that have particularly interesting content: Update Newsletter December 2003 I talk about how hard it can be to let go; Update March 2004 - plus 2 additional pages - intense personal processing about learning to open to love and metaphysical aspects of the growth process; August 2004 challenging the Universe to bring on whatever lessons I needed to learn to have a relationship; December 2004 sharing my views Christmas, Jesus, and Christianity; October 2005 includes The story of some incredible Miracles in my recovery; January 2006 review of 2005, a year of huge change for me; March 2007 sharing about Medicine Cards and Masculine & Feminine with an additional page of processing about my fear of intimacy; April 2008 in which I talk about the kind of wounding and deprivation feelings that drive relationship addiction.

It was very interesting to me that the first time I made up this list I left out the March 2007 one. That is interesting because the very issues I was writing and processing about then were part of what some of the recent drama was about. There was actually a second additional Newsletter page that I never finished - and that I just had a major break through with the issues I was trying to address then but obviously wasn’t ready for. The Universe used the stick a bit to get me to deal with them now - and it has led to a major break through for Susan and I in our relationship.

So anyway, the Adventure continues. Through it all there is Joy and inner peace and Love in most of the moments - certainly much to be thankful for. I will try to get the Darien page updated by Thanksgiving - some great pictures of him and words of wisdom from his now 5 year old lips.

Know that you are Loved even when it seems the darkest and feels the worst. Know that the highest Truth is that you are LOVE! Robert

Merry Christmas to my Yahoo mailing list Dec 25, 2009 9:26 pm

Hello Magnificent Spiritual Being, Sorry I haven’t written for awhile, but things are hectic. My son Abe is here for the Holidays, and Darien’s Dad John is home on leave - so our small crowded house is even more crowded than normal. I posted the newest pictures on my Darien page earlier this month, but haven’t had time to tell the stories yet. I am going to be mentioning what a huge breakthrough Susan and I have had in our relationship in that writing for the Darien page - but not sure when I am going to get it done. Hopefully before the start of the new year.

I also wanted to let you all on this list know that I have been posting quotes and notes regularly on my Facebook page - so you might want to check that out. I will include a few of the latest below - along with a few other quotes that would be good to remember as we head into 2010.

I have just posted a page with temporary special offers for my Intensive next Saturday here in San Diego, and on telephone counseling sessions for people who want to take action to demonstrate their commitment to make 2010 a year focused on recovery and learning to enJoy life. These offers are only available to the people on this list and Facebook friends - they are not available through the website and are not going to be offered to my larger mailing list.

Wishing tons of Joy & Love & Abundance of all kinds 2 U & Me in 2010, Robert

“Christmas is about Love and birth - rebirth. The Winter Solstice is the time of the longest darkness and marks the point of increasing light, the new beginning. Hanukkah is a celebration of, and time of, rededication. Kwanzaa is a time of recommitment. These are all times of both celebration and introspection. Of assessing the past and focusing on what we want to create in the future. Any new beginning is a also an ending. With every ending there is sadness, feelings of loss and grief.” Happy Holidays, Sad Holidays

“The Winter Solstice marks the shortest day of the year - and the beginning of an increase in the light shining into human lives. So too, the birth of Jesus was a milestone in accelerating the process of a returning Human Collective Consciousness to alignment with the Truth of Light and Love. That transformational process is happening on the planet now - despite all the seeming evidence to the contrary. And everyone who is involved in this healing process is having an impact on that transformation. By learning to Love our self in a healthy way, we are healing the planet. . . .

. . . Christmas, like almost every other Christian Holiday, is a celebration that was usurped from Pagan religions that preceded Christianity. The early Christians obviously included some people who were very good at marketing, because they made Christianity more palatable to the people they were trying to convert by stealing Pagan celebrations and making them Christian Holidays.” - Joy to You & Me & Joy2MeU Update Newsletter December 2004

“Years ago I ran across a saying that I really liked and wanted to set as a goal - “Serenity is not Freedom from the Storm - Serenity is Peace Amidst the Storm.” I always thought that I had to stop the storm. Now I can be serene and peaceful no matter what the storm brings - life events like car breakdowns, other peoples behavior which is just them dancing with their own wounds, apparent financial insecurity, that I am still doing some unhealthy behavior health wise, whatever - I don’t have to be perfect, I don’t have to have money, I don’t have to be in a relationship, to be happy.” - The Recovery Process for inner child healing - emotional balance

“The healthier we get, the more emotional healing we do, the less extreme our emotional reaction / response spectrum grows. The growth process works kind of like a pendulum swinging. The less we buy into the toxic shame and judgment, the less extreme the swings of the pendulum become. The arc of our emotional pendulum becomes gentler, and we can return to emotional balance much quicker and easier. But we don’t get to stay in the balance position. Life is always rocking our boat - setting our emotional pendulum to swinging. By not taking life events and other peoples behavior so seriously and personally, by observing our process with some degree of detachment instead of getting so hooked into the trauma drama soap opera victimology that is a reaction to our childhood wounds, we learn to not give so much power over our emotions to outside influences and events.

I have choices today in regard to how I am relating to myself, to other people, to life. I am able to accept the things I cannot change much more quickly, and change the primary thing which I have the power to change - that is, my attitude toward the things I cannot change - so that I do not get caught up in a victim perspective. By not buying into the illusion that I am a victim - of myself, of other people, of life - my emotional swings stay on a much evener keel and I experience a much gentler emotional spectrum in my day to day relationship with life.” - Discernment in relationship to emotional honesty and responsibility 1

Happy New Year to you & Happy Birthday to me Mon Jan 4, 2010 11:09 am

Happy New Year to my Yahoo mailing list, In honor of my 26th Sobriety birthday yesterday I added some quotes about what my recovery means to me to an article in which I share about early recovery.

“I feel that my life Truly began on January 3rd, 1984. That was the day I entered a chemical dependency treatment center (aptly called the Independence Cen…ter) and started to learn how to live life clean and sober.” - A Higher Power of my own understanding 2 - the beginning of empowerment

And I also added the following page as an action to demonstrate to the Universe that I am open to receiving more abundance in my life in 2010:

“I am posting this page on January 3rd, 2010 as a way of honoring that today is my 26th sobriety birthday. . . . for anyone whose Spirit moves them to align with, and energetically connect to, the Karmic Settlement and Positive energy associated with the message of Truth and Love I share. I have been told repeatedly, and insistently, by marketing type people that it is insane for me to provide so much free information (over 200 content pages) on my website.” - Working the Third Step

I have not had time yet to finish the update on my Darien page that I promised - which is going to include sharing about breakthroughs Susan and I have had in our relationship. I will be announcing on my New & news page when a new supply of CDs comes in - and am hoping to have that writing done by then. That should be in about 10 days or so. In the meantime, hope the New Year is starting off wonderfully for you all. I am feeling very good about 2010 so far.;-) Robert

News from Joy2MeU Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:32 pm

Hello Yahoo mailing list, I announced the following on my New & news page today (it is actually dated yesterday but I didn’t post it until today - more on that in a minute.)

A new batch of CDs has come in - so they are now available again: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls “An Audio Spiritual Experience” And I have added an option to purchase the booklet: Empowerment, Freedom, and Inner Peace through Inner Child Healing to my ordering information page: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls for the first time because of some feedback I received this week about how it compliments the experience of reading my book.

Here is that feedback as I posted it on my ordering page:

“January 19, 2010 - In October 2009, I posted a temporary special offers page that included this paragraph:

“The first sequel (to Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls) will be entitled Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light Empowerment, Freedom, and Inner Peace through Inner Child Healing and it will be an updated version of the inner child healing pages of the Joy2MeU web site combined with material evolved and refined in doing my Intensive Training workshops and telephone counseling. The articles that will form the core of it are available in E-book from from Suite 101 for $19.95 (E-Book on inner child work) and in a spiral bound hard copy of the 23 articles that make up that e-book. This spiral bound booklet is not something that is available for purchase except to people who attend my Intensive Training Day workshops (and also to people who make a certain level of Donation / Love Offering.) This is the first time that this booklet has been offered for purchase here on the site.”

This past week someone who had attended my January Intensive Training Seminar (and had purchased the booklet there) gave me some very interesting feedback. She said that if I ever published a new edition of The Dance I should add the inner child healing booklet to it. She said that as much as she had loved The Dance, she was left after reading it with the question of “What exactly do I do now?” - and that this booklet is the perfect compliment to go with the book. In her opinion, the inner child booklet shares information that can help a person get actively involved in the inner child healing even if they don’t have a therapist.

So, I have decided to add the option of purchasing the booklet with the book - or separately for those who already have my book (this is the first time online that it is being offered for sale individually)”

Later that day I got the new batch of CDs in - so I added an offer for the book, CDs, and booklet on the CD page.

And I announced the following on my Facebook page today:

On January 23rd, 2005 I met Susan. We have now reached a level of intimacy and Love that I intuitively knew was possible (and wrote about in the Wedding Prayer 11 years ago) but have never before come anywhere close to experiencing. I am so grateful for this sublime adventure we have been on for 5 years as of Saturday.

“The key factor is that she is actively in recovery, dedicated to getting healthier. Thus though her reaction was to run away from me - her pattern has been to leave relationships before she could be left - she did not run away for long. I had my deepest wounds around abandonment, betrayal, and rejection pushed - and kept coming back for more because that is what I had surrendered to doing back on January 23rd. I kept throwing out any intellectual, rational conclusions about what was going on, about the red flags that kept appearing - and surrendering to following my intuitive guidance to go wherever this ride took me.” - Joy2MeU Update Newsletter June 2005

Also included these two quotes from the Wedding Prayer along with it

“The more you do your healing and follow your Spiritual path the more moments of each day you will have the choice to Truly be present the moment.

And in the moment you can make a choice to embrace and feel the Joy fully and completely and with Gusto.

In any specific moment you will have the power to make a choice to feel the Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt and as if the Love will never go away.”

“Loving is the Grandest, most sublime adventure available to us.

Lets your hearts sings together.

Let your souls soar to unimagined heights.

Wallow in the sensual pleasure of each others bodies.

Roar with the Joy of being fully alive.

Go for it!!!!” - A Wedding Prayer / Meditation on Romantic Commitment

I had been hoping to have the update for the Darien page finished now - along with some processing about the breakthrough that Susan and I have had in our relationship - part of the reason I didn’t post the New page yesterday. But I am not really that close yet. We are going up to Cambria for our 5 year anniversary this weekend and after we get back I still need to figure out my sales figures for last year so I can pay my sales tax by the end of the month - so not sure when I will get that page done. I will let you know when I do. I really am overdue for an Update Newsletter also - so one of these days I will need to find some time to do some writing. As usual More Will Be Revealed.

Remember, everything is unfolding perfectly even when, especially when, it feels like it is all going to crap. Fertilizer abounds and it brings great growth. Recovery continues to be a real trip.;-) Robert

Latest news from Robert Burney & Joy2MeU Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:56 am

Hello Magnificent Spiritual Being, I just added the latest pictures and stories about Darien, Susan, and I to the page dedicated to him: Darien and the latest batch of testimonials about the impact my work has had on people’s lives to the Testimonials page. Robert

I later decided to put up a separate page for story about the huge breakthrough Susan and I had in our relationship: Valentine’s Day 2010

Asking for Help Thu Feb 18, 2010 12:02 pm

Hello Friends, I desperately need to come up with an extra $2000 in the next week (extra meaning over and above what Susan and I will probably be making in that time) - to pay the rent, be able to keep Darien in his Montessori School, keep the untilities turned on, try to stop the car from being repossessed, and ultimately really, to keep the websites going.

Due to the economic situation in the world I have lost over 2 dozen phone clients in the last year who wanted to continue but couldn’t because of their own financial circumstances and Joy to You & Me sold less books in 2009 that I have sold in any year since 2000 - the first full year of Joy2MeU.com. That has put us in a desperate financial condition at this time and I am offering these special offers until March 1st (9 pm PST, Midnight EST) in the hopes of accessing the abundance that will allow us to keep Darien in school and pay the rent and utilities and all that jazz. If nothing else, I doubt there is anyone out there who couldn’t use a couple of phone session before the end of 2010.;-) This page has the lowest offers ever made if someone wants to help by purchasing something: /SpecialOffer

If there is any way you could help with a Donation / Love Offering, purchasing something, or loaning me some money or whatever, I will be eternally grateful!

“What I know now is that the Universe always responds - just not very often in the way, or at the time I think it is necessary. I need to ask for help and then let go of rather the person I am asking can in fact help me. I need to take the risk and let go of the outcome. What I need will come from someplace. There is a verse in the bible that says: (paraphrased??)

Ask and ye shall receive. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened.

ASK. By asking - either God or another person - I am setting energy in motion in the Universe. Once the energy is in motion it comes back to me at some time from some place. I have to put it out before it will come back. What I sow I reap. The Universes works on the principle of cause and effect. It is very important for me to get proactive in my own life by taking the risk of asking for help - and it is much easier when I can let go of my picture of how, and when, that help is going to manifest. . . . .

. . . I am posting this page for anyone whose Spirit moves them to align with, and energetically connect to, the Karmic Settlement and Positive energy associated with the message of Truth and Love I share. I have been told repeatedly, and insistently, by marketing type people that it is insane for me to provide so much free information (over 200 content pages) on my website. And it is a very poor marketing strategy - but my spiritual path is not about making money. . . . .

In twelve step recovery I learned that being willing to ask for help was necessary for me to learn and grow. And that by asking for help, I was giving another person an opportunity to be of service - so that by being open to receive help, I was actually giving them the opportunity to give to me. . . .

So, if you want to align with Metaphysical Law and keep the Love energy flowing by sending some green energy my way to express gratitude for how my recovery has helped you as I begin my 27th year of recovery - I will be more than happy to receive the Love you send my way.;-)” - Working the Third Step - ASKing for help - Opening to Abundance

This page has the lowest offers I have ever made available if someone wants to help by purchasing something: Temporary Special Offers

Thank you for sending some Love energy my way, even if it is some prayers and good thoughts if you can’t help out financially.;-)

Joy, Love, and Abundance 2 Me & U, Robert

Update on the Joy2MeU Adventure Mon Apr 5, 2010 10:22 am

Hello Magnificent Spiritual Being on my Yahoo mailing list, Sorry it has been so long since I have written. Things changed around here and got different and hectic in new ways that bring a plethora of new opportunities for growth for Susan and I.

Things were really quite desperate when I sent out my appeal for help on February18th. The response was Truly great and heart warming as I heard from so many of you about how valuable my work is to you, even though many of you were in no position to actually send any help. A number of people were able to actually send in small to moderate donations. Several people sent large amounts. And a large number of people took advantage of the special offers page to show their support through purchasing sessions, books, etc. It was a wonderful and very gratifying response that I leaves me unable to put into words the gratitude and validation that I felt from all of you who responded. It was not enough to get us up to even (that would have required 5 figures of inflow) or to get us to the place where we could pay the rent in one sum (instead of two installments) or pay the bills on time (instead of running at least a month late) - but it was enough to relieve a great deal of pressure and did exceed what I was requesting significantly.

I was so relieved to feel like I could focus time and attention now on some of the projects we have on the board - like making audio recordings that include articles on my website, recording my Intensive, getting question and answer pages posted on my new sites, getting the DancinginLight.com website proof read and edited to make it available, getting the digitally remastered audio download into CD form, etc., etc. To say nothing of getting my first Update Newsletter written since last August.

But all that was put on hold by developments in the week after I sent out my appeal. On the following Monday Susan’s 21 year old daughter got kicked out of the halfway house she was in. On the following Thursday my 20 year old son got kicked out of the aftercare program he was in - and was kicked out of his house by his mother. He was staying in a homeless shelter in Albuquerque for some days before we brought him out here. The good news is neither were kicked out for using. The opportunities for growth arose out of the reality that now both of them are living with us.

Here is a response I sent to several friends when they wrote to ask what was happening:

“Thank you for your kind words and good wishes. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond, but it has been a hectic week or so and I am just now getting caught up. The response has been great and the immediate pressure has been relieved. So many people are hurting right now - great opportunities to practice having faith and being grateful with what we have.;-)

Of course, it seems like sometimes the Universe gives me more because it is about to give me more need - if you know what I mean. (I used to think that it was taking away what it just gave - but have changed that perspective.;-) Susan’s 21 year old daughter and my 20 year old son both got kicked out of after care programs this week - so now we are going to have 2 more people living with us in this house that is too small for just the 3 of us. Two more people without jobs of course. Ah yes, more opportunities for growth.;-)”

I used to feel victimized when something like this happened. You know, those times when a little extra money comes in and you breathe a sigh of relief and then the car breaks down.;-) I don’t buy into the victim feelings any more - think of it as the Universe taking back something I have just been given. I recognize it now as abundance flowing in for a need in advance of my knowing it was going to become a need. In fact, without the money that had come in it would have not been possible for us to even consider bringing my son out to live with us - we were looking at the potential of being homeless ourselves.

I am very grateful that I was able to take my son in. The conditions he was living in for quite awhile have caused me a lot of pain because I wasn’t in a position to help him more than I have in the past. It was a great opportunity for me to make some amends to him about the way his life has unfolded. This is something I will be writing about soon - my relationship with him and how it has unfolded. And it is of course, and perfectly, related to my relationship with my father. I am still planning on writing about the issues that were uncovered about my father in the huge opportunity for growth Susan and I had in our relationship last fall. (Romantic Relationships and Valentine’s Day 2010 ) I will be writing about that breakthrough some more - including doing processing about those issues with my father when I get the chance. It won’t be however until after I write my Update Newsletter in which I will do some processing about my issues with my son. I hope to get that done this month, but as today is the 5th of April I will need to do my taxes first.

If I thought I had trouble finding time to write before with just Darien to take care of, it has multiplied now with two immature young adults to supervise and take places (at times - they are riding the bus most of the time) - and all the complications that come from having 5 people live in a small 2 bedroom, 1 bath place. The great news is they are both in recovery. It was really a trip this last Saturday when my son came to my Intensive. I will be writing about that in my Newsletter also. The not so great news is that they both have ingrained behavior patterns that they have to be really pushed to start changing - and they need to keep getting prompted to get to meetings and clean up after themselves and such things. The very challenging news is that they eat a lot and have brought a whole bunch of new expenses into our lives. So the Adventure continues and keeps getting different.;-)

The great news is that things have never been better between Susan and I. We are both getting to experience Love and intimacy on levels we have never known before. Very cool!!!! And within the next month the office Susan works in will be moved down to a location locally - so she won’t have to drive 60 miles through horrible traffic all the time. That is great news!

So I am rushing to get this out this morning because there are so many other things that need to get done. I wanted to bring you all up to date - and really to get started writing for my Update Newsletter in which I will undoubtedly use excerpts from this message. If anyone would like to help us in this new more complex situation we have going, I am definitely open to receiving Working the Third Step - ASKing for help - Opening to Abundance ;-)

So with wishes of Joy, Love & Abundance to Me & You - and gratitude that the earthquake yesterday wasn’t closer than it was - I will send this out now. I do so appreciate the feedback and support that so many of you have shared with me. This is going to continue to be an interesting year I think - and I am so grateful that recovery has made this incredible adventure possible.;-) Robert

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Originally published at https://joy2meu.com/Update_May_2010.htm