Dysfunctional Family = cultural harvest
Dysfunctional Family = cultural harvest
“Dysfunctional families are the product of an emotionally dishonest, shame based, patriarchal society based upon beliefs that do not support Loving self or Loving neighbor.” - Robert Burney “The point that I am making is that our understanding of Codependence has evolved to realizing that this is not just about some dysfunctional families, our very role models, our prototypes, are dysfunctional. Our traditional cultural concepts of what a man is, of what a woman is, are twisted, distorted, almost comically bloated stereotypes of what masculine and feminine really are. . . . . . . When the role model of what a man is does not allow a man to cry or express fear; when the role model for what a woman is does not allow a woman to be angry or aggressive - that is emotional dishonesty. When the standards of a society deny the full range of the emotional spectrum and label certain emotions as negative - that is not only emotionally dishonest, it creates emotional disease. If a culture is based on emotional dishonesty, with role models that are dishonest emotionally, then that culture is also emotionally dysfunctional, because the people of that society are set up to be emotionally dishonest and dysfunctional in getting their emotional needs met. What we traditionally have called normal parenting in this society is abusive because it is emotionally dishonest. Children learn who they are as emotional beings from the role modeling of their parents. “Do as I say - not as I do,” does not work with children. Emotionally dishonest parents cannot be emotionally healthy role models, and cannot provide healthy parenting. Our model for what a family should be sets up abusive, emotionally dishonest dynamics.” (Quotes in this color are from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney)
Roles In Dysfunctional Families - column by codependence counselor
“There are four basic roles that children adopt in order to survive growing up in emotionally dishonest, shame-based, dysfunctional family systems.” “As an adult the Family Hero is rigid, controlling, and extremely judgmental . . . . . of others and secretly of themselves. They achieve “success” on the outside and get lots of positive attention but are cut off from their inner emotional life, from their True Self.” “The scapegoat is the child that the family feels ashamed of - and the most emotionally honest child in the family. He/she acts out the tension and anger the family ignores. This child provides distraction from the real issues in the family.” “A lot of actors and writers are ’lost children’ who have found a way to express emotions while hiding behind their characters.”
On this page is a column by codependence counselor about how dysfunctional family dynamics set children up to play certain roles.
I wrote this column years ago adapting several different lists that I had. I do not remember the original sources. If anyone knows the original source of any of them, I would be more than happy to give credit where credit is due. 6/9/08 I received an e-mail from Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse pointing out that the four roles originated in her book Another Chance –Hope and Health For The Alcoholic Family published in 1981. I acknowledge her on my recommended book page as one of the Pioneers of the Adult Child / Codependence recovery movement.
Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995. Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1995 to 2021 by Robert Burney PO Box 1028 Cambria CA 93428.
(The Column “Roles In Dysfunctional Families” by Robert Burney originally appeared in the Information Press of San Luis Obispo California)
Originally published at https://joy2meu.com/DysfunctionalFamilies.htm